im having a threesome with these popsicles
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
