So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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