is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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