Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
