Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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