There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
