I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
