Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
