Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
