He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
