I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
