party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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