I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
