So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
