Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
