I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
