i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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