I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
