WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Drunk is a universal language darling
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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