She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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