How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
