Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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