Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
