My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
