Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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