Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize