I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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