Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love having hate sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
