Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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