when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
