we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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