I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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