I think I won the penis lottery.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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