I'm really into asian looking animals
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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