Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
