If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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