I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
