dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
