His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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