I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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