Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
