How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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