He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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