you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize