it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
