I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
