Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
