I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.