her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.