Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.