Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"