yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
i'm really worried about him.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT