i wish semen tasted like chocolate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.