Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
