bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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