why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
