Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
