I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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