brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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