Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize