I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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